Hyderabad-based Ritika is a 48-year old solo caregiver for her 80-year old father, while her older brother, a prosperous businessman, lives in Jammu with his school-teacher wife. Ritika entered the solo caregiver situation without realizing it, in a series of steps involving her mother’s death, her father selling his Jammu house without anyone’s consent, and his insistence on buying a house in Hyderabad where Ritika’s husband (in the armed forces) was posted.
When Ritika’s husband was transferred out of Hyderabad, Ritika moved her father to Jammu so that he could be looked after y his son, but father could not handle the Jammu winter are returned to Hyderabad. Ritika moved in with him to support him through the winter months. “I knew he was ailing and felt duty-bound to look after him for the four-five winter months,” she says. However, her father did not go to Jammu to his son even after winter, Ritika could not join her husband on his posting, and it has now been three years and she is still in Hyderabad, caregiving for her father alone. Through these last three years, Ritika has faced extreme financial hardship and emotional setbacks.
In this interview Ritika shares the sequence of events, how every relationship has been tested in the last three high-stress years, how she copes, what she thinks of her future and how she manages to carry on in spite of such an extreme caregiving situation.
Please give us an overview of your father’s state and the current care setting.
I do all the caregiving and cleaning etc. I am not comfortable employing a day and night male attendant because my father and I live alone.
My eighty-year old father, once an alcoholic and chewing tobacco addict, is now suffering from hypertension, chronic kidney disease (CKD) and middle to advanced stage fronto-temporal vascular dementia. He can walk a little bit with the walker, but is wheelchaired for hospital visits and can only travel in an ambulance since he is unable to seat himself in a car without trained assistance. He also has a permanent suprapubic catheter [a catheter inserted into the bladder to drain urine directly into a bag]. He has no bowel and bladder control and has to wear diapers at night. He is incapable of changing his diapers and cleaning himself due to severe movement problems. I do all the caregiving and cleaning etc.
Read the full post here : Dementia caregiving can create chaos: a solo caregiver describes challenges faced on multiple fronts